When His Ex-Wife Threatens His Second Marriage

You've finally met your idea of a 'soul mate'?' So what if he was
married before? Thankfully, it was his ex who cheated and had to be
sent packing out of the matrimonial home. She's not likely to be
resentful of you. Or is she? Believe it or not, there is a support
group called the British Second Wives Club (BSWC) and, according to
their findings, the soon-to-be ex-wife is a likely candidate for
causing trouble. And it's your arrival at the scene as potential wife
number two that may trigger her unwanted and unwarranted attention.
BSWC's founder, Linda Mellor says; "The flash point for the bad
behaviour of some first wives seems to be when the man has finally
picked himself up and has met another woman. It's as if some ex-wives
secretly feel they are entitled to punish their former spouse for
daring to get on with his life without them".

Which probably explains Erik's bewilderment at his ex-wife's attitude
towards his second wife. "Throughout our marriage", he said, "she
carried on as if she married beneath her. Nothing I did pleased her
much and when she insisted on putting our first child in a posh
primary school I couldn't afford, I put my food down. She went ahead
an enrolled him anyway, snorting she would get the fees somehow. How?
I wanted to know. `That is none of your business. If you can't carry
your load, others will gladly help out', she spat, she became so
flippant that I threatened to throw her out. She said she would spare
me the effort. She was moving out.

"she eventually left with the only child of the union. Grapevine had
it that she was involved with a rich industrialist. I was devastated
but eventually moved on with my life. I met my current wife, sued for
divorced which my first wife didn't even bother to contest, then
settled down to the married bliss I didn't have in my first marriage.
I was surprised when my ex called out of the blues a few months after
I remarried that she was bringing out son to visit. She'd always used
him as a bargaining chip and I'd washed my hands off both of them
until this sudden turnaround. I could scarcely prevent my son from
visiting, so when my ex turned up with him I was quite pleased to see
him. But my ex was her snooty self. She regarded Lucy, my new wife,
with disdain and didn't return her greetings. When she started reeling
off the things our son needed, I told her to leave, that I would get
in touch with her. Then began a series of calls and insults. Whenever
Lucy picked up the phone, she would tell her to go and call her son's
father. In the end, I put a stop to her harassment, but we still hold
our breath. Knowing her, she's bound to spring another surprise soon".

According to Linda, not all first wives are a problem as 80 percent of
BSWC's 1000+ members are ex-wives themselves. But she has identified a
worrying breed, which needs to be treated with caution. "We find that
the main perpetrators are women who were bullies within the marriage.
They have particularly controlling tendencies", says Linda. "Trouble
flares up when the ex-husband meets another woman . Suddenly, there's
a part of his life that is not within the first wife's control and she
doesn't like it. In some cases, she even sees the new partner as some
kind of prey to be stalked. Today, four out of every ten marriages are
second ones and it's hard to put a figure on how many second wives
suffer such torment, but the number of women going through these
problems is significant. One BSWC member was attacked by her partner's
first wife and the woman's new boyfriend at a night club. The Police
were called, and to her astonishment, she discovered that the woman
had been stalking her for some time.

Another second wife became concerned when a woman fitting the
description of her partner's ex-wife began loitering at her work
place. 'I started to receive silent phone calls', she said, `I was at
home one day and saw her sitting in a parked car looking at our house.
Thankfully, it stopped after my partner threatened to report her to
the police, but it was extremely frightening'. How then can second
wives deal with such difficult situations.

"If a man has been bullied by his first wife, he often won't want to
tackle her", says Linda. "But it's important that he stands side by
side with his new partner. They have to show the first wife a united
front and make sure they're giving out the same messages. Often, the
abuse will pass with time but if things get nasty, then you need to go
down the legal route.

"A solicitor's letter may be all it takes, but sometimes, the police
will need to be called in. I can imagine there must be a host of
emotions driving these women to poke around into their ex-husband's
business."
--Vanguard