Sex Is Over Rated

Article by Chukwuneta Oby (photo)

As wonderful as sex is, it does not make a relationship. It’s just that in this age (where one’s senses are assaulted (thanks to all manner of media) daily by ‘everything’ with sexual undertone), most people are led to believe that the success of a relationship has to revolve around sex. Frankly, nothing could be farther from the truth. The strength of most relationships actually has nothing to do with sex…rather what binds them is ‘substance’ based. As a matter of fact, most ‘cheats’ don’t lack ‘good sex’ at home. Yet…

A friend told me that the only man in whose arms she has experienced true love is also the man that she never envisaged a future with. She said that after they ‘met’ the first time, she concluded within her that it won’t work between them because (according to her)-his ‘something’ seemed small to her and she just couldn’t take her mind off the disappointment. Somehow, she convinced herself to keep ‘marking time’ with him until someone else comes along…less than six months later, they were married and several years down the line, she is still gushing about him. And she seems to have forgotten issues about his ‘smallie.’ When she starts gushing about her ‘gift from God’(that is what she calls him), I usually am tempted to remind her of the gem that she almost lost, had she not been wise enough to pick what really matters.

Sometimes, I think our perception and attitude towards sex (in a relationship) is largely due to what our senses are fed out there and not really how we feel deep down. How many relationships (besides the trade by barter- aka ‘money in hand, back on the ground’ arrangement) are actually standing because of an ‘out of this world sex’ between those involved? Something else usually holds it together. Yes, good sex could be a contributory factor but it is seldom the ‘be all’ of any relationship. As a matter of fact, the more sexually adventurous some people are-the more (sexually) reckless they become…meaning that if ‘self control’ isn’t applied-one will become a slave to every ‘available.’

My point is that, as far as ‘connecting’ (in a relationship) is concerned…whoever makes up his/her mind to ‘connect’ will find reasons to do so, so long as some element of ‘likability’ is there. Sex only plays out the prominence you accord it in your relationship. True ‘love making’ is an emotional occurrence. And those who are blessed to experience such ‘connection’ understand that it is always there (through the years)…ask seventy-year-olds that still ‘touch’ each other!

The sex that is only spurred on by physical desire has nothing to do with emotional connection and often too weak to sustain a relationship that seeks long term benefits.

A lady was contemplating calling off a promising relationship due to lack of ‘sexual fire works’ between her and her man. I said this to her… “you are blessed with someone you can always ‘pocket’ with a few moves on the bed. Not some weirdos that try all sorts and will even try more behind you. At least, he has substance. Frankly, nobody has it complete. But what I know for sure is…a good character is most preferable-anyday. Every other thing can be learned-if the determination is there. Teach him what you know and explore new heights together. We all pray for true love but it seldom comes in a complete package. However, the presence of ‘substance’ (which holds it all together-in the long run) should be comforting enough.”

--PUNCH